Cause of Pain
What hurts? And why does it hurt?
Why do some things hurt more than others?
Why do some things feel like nothing happened, while others make you feel like giving up?
I think the sole reason for suffering is expectation.
Or maybe hope.
You only suffer when you hoped for a certain outcome, but reality gave you something else.
The bigger the expectation, the bigger the gap between reality and what you wanted reality to be. The bigger that gap, the greater the suffering.
This is why some losses barely affect us while others completely destroy us.
A breakup after years of being together hurts more than a fling because you weren't just attached to the person. You were attached to the future you had imagined with them. You had invested years into that future. You expected it to become something.
When that future disappears, the pain isn't just the loss of a person. It's the loss of the life you thought you were going to have.
But what exactly creates hope?
At first, I thought hope comes from effort.
The more effort you put into something, the more hope you have that it will work out.
A relationship.
A startup.
A job application.
A competition.
Anything.
The more you invest into it, the harder it becomes not to expect something in return.
Which gives us a simple pattern:
Effort → Hope → Outcome → Suffering
But I don't think effort is the real source.
I think investment is.
Effort creates investment, but so does imagination.
Someone can spend five years building a startup and become deeply attached to the outcome.
Someone else can spend five minutes imagining their dream life and become equally attached to the outcome.
The common factor isn't effort.
It's investment.
Maybe the equation looks more like this:
Effort → Investment → Outcome
Then:
Expectation ≠ Reality → Pain
And finally:
Resistance to Reality → Suffering
This distinction is important.
Pain and suffering are not the same thing.
Pain is losing something.
Suffering is refusing to accept that you lost it.
Pain is unavoidable.
Suffering might not be.
A breakup is pain.
Spending years wishing it never happened is suffering.
A startup failing is pain.
Believing that the failure defines your worth forever is suffering.
An investor rejecting you is pain.
Giving up because of that rejection is suffering.
So if effort leads to investment, and investment creates the possibility of pain, should we stop putting in effort altogether?
I don't think so.
Because the absence of pain is not necessarily a good life.
A life without effort is also a life without ambition.
Without love.
Without risk.
Without achievement.
Without meaning.
The goal isn't to avoid pain.
The goal is to become comfortable with the possibility of pain.
Because effort does not guarantee outcomes.
Effort only increases the odds.
Outcomes are still a gamble.
There are hundreds of factors influencing any outcome. You can control some of them. You can influence many of them. But you can never control all of them.
Which means reality owes you nothing.
Not success.
Not love.
Not recognition.
Not fairness.
Your effort buys you a better chance.
Nothing more.
This doesn't make effort useless.
In fact, I believe the opposite.
I am delusional enough to believe that if you keep putting effort into a certain direction for long enough, you increase your odds of getting lucky.
One day, luck might finally meet preparation.
And on that day, you win.
Until then, you should be prepared to lose despite doing everything right.
So can pain be eliminated?
Probably not.
Can suffering be reduced?
Maybe.
Not by lowering effort.
Not by killing hope.
But by understanding that outcomes were never guaranteed in the first place.
Maybe the ideal equation is:
Maximum Effort + Minimum Entitlement
Give everything you have.
Expect nothing in return.
Care deeply about the process.
Stay detached from the outcome.
Pain may still be unavoidable.
Suffering might not be.
- Zaid
